為什么畢業季不要表白?網友的經驗分享走心了 Should you confess your love in the graduate season?
中國日報雙語新聞微信 2022-07-31 08:00
又是一年畢業季,又有一群少年即將告別同窗,各自奔赴前程。而在大多數人的學生時代,心底總是藏著對于某個人隱秘的情愫。
那么,在離別的那一刻,到底要不要將自己的心意說給Ta聽呢?
愛,無問西東?
對于這個話題,網友們眾說紛紜。有人認為,如果暗戀了對方很久,那就趕緊抓住畢業這最后的機會,否則Ta就只能出現在將來你跟兒孫聊天里。
Go and just tell. The person is in front of you probably you both can't meet in future again so if you don't confess one day she or he will be just a story and you will find yourself narrating her or his story to your grandchildren.
快去告訴Ta。Ta就在你眼前,畢業后就不知人家去向何方了。如果你現在沒表白,將來有一天Ta只會成為你口中的某某某,只會出現在講給自己的兒孫故事里。
表白是很純粹的一件事情,不需要附加那么多現實層面的考慮。有時候,人得多聽從自己的內心而不是大腦。而且,即便表白失敗,也能避免“抬頭不見低頭見”的尷尬。何樂而不為呢?
Don't stop yourself. Also listen to your heart. Sometimes we listen to our brain and neglect our true feelings but that's not good for our heart and will make you regret sometimes. You should also listen to your brain depending on the situations. Just take a decision in which you are confident that you'll not regret.
不要約束自己,傾聽你的內心。我們常常聽從大腦的指揮,有時卻忽視了內心的真實感受,讓自己傷心甚至后悔。你還需要根據情況理智分析,確保不會后悔自己做的決定。
支持表白的人還會說,如果一直隱藏自己的心意,維持友誼的狀態,到頭來只會讓自己內心痛苦。所以,不管最后是什么結果,一定要說出口。
If you hide your feelings and continue the friendship your desire and hope increases day by day and it will get you a lot of pain at the end.
如果你隱藏自己的感情,繼續以友誼相待,你的渴望和希望就會與日俱增,到頭來會給你帶來很多痛苦。
So, my suggestion is to express your feelings right away and leave everything in the fate.
所以,我的建議是立即表達你的感受,把一切都交給命運。
沖動多于愛情?
反對畢業季表白的人認為,在畢業的感傷氛圍之中,人難免會由于一時沖動,做出自己平日不會做的事情。而畢業季的表白本質上也只是一時“上頭”所做出的沖動之舉。
在問答社交網站Quora上面,有不少人提出“畢業了要不要表白”等類似的問題。其中有一個人分享說,“喜歡一個女同學很久,我到底要不要在畢業前表白呢?還是等到畢業后,這樣就不用為失去一段友誼感到難堪了?”
他原話是這么問的:
Is it ok to tell a girl you had a crush on her throughout high school, before you graduate? Or should I wait till after graduation so it's not weird and ruin our friendship?
他的疑慮不無道理,頭腦發熱的表白不一定會讓你收獲愛情,甚至還可能讓你失去一段友情。
下面的回答有支持的,也有反對的。但翻了翻大家的回答發現,那些反對表白的聲音雖少,但都不簡單。
比如說下面這條:
What's the point of telling her at all? You aren't asking her out, and you aren't doing anything for her by sharing your feelings. Where's the move that would actually lead to something you want?
向她表白有什么意義?你沒有約她出去,你也沒有為她做任何事,告訴她你的感受。真正能達到目的的行動在哪里?
這人上來就反問道,你這樣一下子突然跟人家表白有什么意義呢?你都沒有約人家出去幾次,不了解人家,可能也沒搞明白自己的心意,就先別一股腦的去表白了。
接著,他說,“不要向暗戀的人敞開心扉(Don't share your feelings with a crush.)”。
這聽起來令人詫異,但他想要表達的卻另有一番道理:喜歡Ta就約人家出去喝喝咖啡,主動去了解人家,也讓對方慢慢地接受自己。突然的熱烈表白只會增加對方的心理負擔,好好的姻緣說不定就跑了……
Don't share your feelings with a crush. If you like someone, ask them out. No deep expressions of love or other emotion, as that's just overloading a poor girl who hasn't had time to get to know you the same way. She won't be able to process that well, and it will just scare her off. Instead allow her to get to know you in the romantic sense. Ask her to grab coffee or something else casual with as little committment needed on her part beyond guaranteeing that she knows it is a date. The less committment needed, the more likely she’ll say “yes”, and the less she’ll be turning down if she says “no”. “No” to coffee is just turning down coffee, not all of these secret pent up feelings you have.
不要與你喜歡的人敞開心扉。如果你喜歡某人,就約Ta出去。不要深沉的愛或其他情感的表達,想讓人家短時間內感同身受,只會讓那個可憐女孩感到負擔。她無法很好地處理這些,反而會被嚇跑的。相反,以浪漫的方式讓她了解你。請她喝杯咖啡或隨便什么,除了確保她知道這是一次約會外,不需要她做出什么承諾。需要的承諾越少,她說“是”的可能性就越大,如果她說“不”,你放棄她的可能性就越小。對咖啡說“不”只是拒絕喝咖啡,而不是拒絕所有這些被你偷偷壓抑的感情。
的確,表白不僅是一段深情的話、熾熱的眼神和緊張到可以聽見的心跳。表白不是一種儀式,而是實打實的去追求對方。把甜寵表白的場面留在戀愛泡沫劇里吧,現實中追求自己的幸福可不能太莽撞。尤其在畢業季,機會失去了就失去了。
A confession to a stranger is just a bunch of meaningless words that embarrass you and gets used later by you to prove to yourself that it was always hopeless to go for the girl, when in reality you never really went for her in the first place.
向陌生人表白只是一堆讓你難堪的毫無意義的話,后來你會用這些話向自己證明,追求那個女孩總是沒有希望的,而實際上,你從一開始就沒有真正追求過。
聊到這里你或許已經發現了,那些反對的聲音不是阻止畢業生去戀愛,而是避免他們因為唐突的表白而毀了一段戀愛。
給那些被點燃起來的真情和勇氣降降溫,多設身處地地為對方著想。
Telling someone you've had a crush on them for a long time can come off as very powerful, a big disappointment (for not saying so sooner), or a little icky (if your crush isn't attracted to you). Getting the timing right here can be tricky, so put yourself in his/her shoes.
告訴某人你已經迷戀他們很長時間了,這可能會讓你非常強大、非常失望(因為沒有早點說出來),或者有點鬧心(如果你的迷戀對象對你沒有感覺)。把握時機可能有難度,所以要設身處地為他/她著想。
另外,畢業季的大家可能都還不確定自己去向何方、在哪里生活、做什么工作,如果在這充滿各種不確定性的時刻表白,即便表白成功,未來也可能會迫于現實而分手。
趁著還有時間,談一段甜甜的校園戀愛,比趕著畢業的尾巴才對人家表白好:
No…you should confess to her before school finishes because if you won't confess to her now you will miss the countless beautiful moments of romance in the school life. The little things like staying in the classroom in the break time and secretly talking when the teacher is teaching. Furthermore you can build a relationship in a better way. If you confess after school is finished she may decline as you both might go separate ways in your life.
不……你應該在畢業前向她表白,因為如果你沒有及時表白,你將錯過學校生活中無數美好浪漫的事情,比如課間休息時一起待在教室里,上課時偷偷聊天。此外,你可以用更好的方式建立關系。如果你在畢業后才表白,她可能會拒絕,因為你們倆可能會各奔東西。
“我要不要表白?”大多數人會鼓勵你為愛勇敢沖,但在畢業季這個重要的珍貴時刻,卻鮮有人告訴你,時機很重要,方法很重要,別搞砸了。
都說戀愛是門玄學。表白了不一定成功,不表白也不代表沒有機會。畢業季的情愫會在雙方心里埋下一粒種子,可能并不會在當下立即開花結果,但在未來的不經意間,你們會有一段美好的故事。
你在畢業季表白了嗎?
Notes
confess to 向...承認;坦白
embarrass [?m?ber?s] v.使為難
have a crush on 迷戀某人
icky [??ki] adj.黏糊糊(令人不舒服)的
timing [?ta?m??] n.時機的掌握
come off as 帶給別人什么樣的印象
(來源:中國日報雙語新聞微信 編輯:陳月華、實習生徐璐瑤、丹妮)